I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
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Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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