I just pynch a tree in the face
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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