sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
