I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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