i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
