Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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