Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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