but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
