I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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