I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
