She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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