The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
