Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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