I want to stick my p in your. b.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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