My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
