The maid of honor just puked.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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