Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
