Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
