you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize