i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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