i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
