PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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