Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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