I hate your face
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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