I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
