there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
