i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
