my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
