when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
