it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
