I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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