Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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