you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
