Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
