You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
