I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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