My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
