That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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