I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
