Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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