I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
