I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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