I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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