At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
