I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
