"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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