dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
