also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
