the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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