How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
