No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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