return my video game
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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