whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
