It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
