you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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