careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
