He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
