Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
