moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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