Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
