He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
