are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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