mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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